I’m scared
But I’m not scared… to admit it …
Though I’m wondering why I’d fit it
Into Christmas carols, candle-lit …

I’m guessing that you’re not here
For a homily upon my fear;
(Though I wonder, if I asked you,
Might you own the fact that you’re scared too?)

Of course we keep it from our face
But deep inside, is there a space
Which, even as I speak to you
Whispers back: ‘Yes, this is true …’?

I know Christmas should be merry
Drenched in presents, sprouts and sherry …
A warm feeling in December
When that Santa we remember.

But bear with me for a short time
Just indulge me in this bleak rhyme.

So…let me beg your pardon
For starting in The Garden
Where ever since that snake thing
The fear of death has stung … and stings;
A gnawing archetype was made
An inner voice: “I am afraid”

I am afraid …

I’m scared of global warming,
Or deluded gunmen storming
Down a street where I am drinking
Young lives lost to such warped thinking.

I’m scared my mild depression
Gives my wife the strong impression
That our love is going nowhere
One day I’ll wake to find she’s not there.

I’m scared I’m not attractive,
That my kids are hyperactive;
I’m scared of trolls that slate me
… that my friends might turn against me.

I’m scared my browsing history
Is not any kind of mystery
To the spooks in GCHQ
Or the hackers in their bedrooms.

I’m scared I’ll go to work one day
And hear my supervisor say –
You’re just not needed anymore …
Austerity bites. There’s the door.

I’m scared of pain, I’m scared of death,
Can’t contemplate … a final breath;
And terrified to know the answer
When I ask the doctor, “is it cancer?”

I’m scared that each tomorrow
I might just drown in sorrow.
I’m anxious nearly every night
That Richard Dawkins might be right.

What is it that we’re living for?
As darkness seems to win the war
Listen to the news each night
And hear your soul cry: “where’s the light?”

Where is the light?

I’m sorry if this Christmas verse
Has left you feeling broadly worse
Than when you left your house tonight;
I know it’s not quite Silent Night …

But please take heart, if hearts be stirred
My fear won’t have the final word.